The middle school English teacher battling student apathy, school
bureaucracy, the standardized testing/education reform movement, and gum,
yet still manages to enjoy teaching. His obsessions include reading, Star
Wars, acting and directing in plays, attempting to complete the first
sentence of his novel, attempting to finish "Moby Dick" before his 90th
birthday and dealing with the fact that his own middle school-aged twins.,
Tom and Jen are now in his class.
The woman behind the teacher, Mrs. Fitz has always been Mr. Fitz's
sounding board, but she is now his colleague as well. Mrs. Fitz teaches
the college prep elective, SUCCESS, upstairs from Mr. Fitz. She also
performs in plays, and is mom to their twins, Tom and Jen, (whom she
refused to name Luke and Leia).
The queen of labs, projects, and hands-on activities, the team science
teacher boldly goes where no class has gone before. She sympathizes with
her students—sometimes a bit too much.
Mrs. Merritt is the education reform movement’s ideal teacher. Driven by
the hope of a bonus for high test scores, she implements all directives
with fidelity, is never without her Data Notebook, and doesn’t consider
herself a teacher. She is a QLGF: a Quantitative Learning Gains
She has been teaching at Bulwer-Lytton Middle School for a long, long
time. Possibly before they even broke ground. She is the queen of
educational technology—if it’s several decades out of date. Visit her room
to see film strips, movie projectors, blackboards, and record players.
Stay to smell the ditto machine. Despite being a bit behind in tech
department, Mrs. Methuselah has seen it all—and has a lot of wisdom to
Mr. Pardee’s class is a place of never-ending fun, candy, and prizes! Play
games! Sing songs! Get bribed! Get easy grades! Many kids love Mr. Pardee.
Many of his fellow teachers, not so much.
Ex-military (no one is sure which branch) teacher who runs his class like
The school art teacher wants to encourage true creativity among students
who like tracing Pokemon images.
The master of the multi-page educational experience (the packet), this
social studies teacher teaches about dictatorships by running her
classroom as one.
Jen is the younger of the Fitz twins-- an artistic genius with an
The Fitz’s son solves Rubik’s cubes in under a minute and reads physics
books for fun.
Candy Sweet is a poet, and Gail Goth’s arch enemy. She writes poems about
puppies, kitties, and rainbows. Candy always looks on the bright side of
Clive is a great student and avid who tries to look at life logically, but
has a deep love of the fantastical.
Delilah is new to Bulwer Lytton Middle School. She loves a class to be
fun! She breathes fun! She is fun!
A repeater of several grades, Dirth’s philosophy is “less is less.” But
don’t ask him to put that, or anything else, in writing.
Fionna compensates for her unhappy home life by bringing order to chaos
wherever she goes. She is the organizational expert who keeps Mr. Fitz’s
desk in order.
Gail is a poet who dresses all in black and writes poems like “The
Bleeding Entrails of Eternity.” She is the arch-nemesis of fellow-poet
Born in a Starbucks, Grande is tall for a sixth grader. He’s tall for any
grade or age, for that matter. Grande has handwriting issues, and
struggles with self-doubt, but he’s smarter than he thinks he is.
Gene & Roger
You seldom see one without the other. These two fan-boys emulate their
heroes, Siskel and Ebert, by reviewing classes for their entertainment
Graciella's current claim to fame is rating teachers on her non-scientific
"coolness scale". She's actually a very bright student, but don't tell
anyone-- she thinks it would lower her on the "coolness" scale.
At the age of 11, she has already won beauty pageants and been featured in
Teen Vogue. She is frequently absent to attend photo shoots. Life is truly
Roy is renowned for his positive attitude, big smile, and big stature. He
has been known to go to the drinking fountain and return an inch or so
Skateboard dude, and protégé of the great anti-reading strategist, Spike,
Rusty is carrying on Spike's tradition of working harder at avoiding books
than most people do at actually reading.
Jeremy exercises school-choice by withdrawing and reentering middle school
several times a year. He has tried nearly every alternative there is to
public schools, but always returns to Bulwer Lytton Middle School, where
he is perpetually behind.
The student who sometimes get lost in the shuffle, Jill’s pigtails
sometimes seem to be her distinguishing feature.
LOVES English class! She loves reading and writing and spelling and
vocabulary and even grammar exercises! Her enthusiasm can be
overwhelming, but unfortunately it isn't catching.
New to the middle school, Ken is open to new experiences. Especially if
they are tactile or involve eating something weird.
Lakeeshia is a good student who hopes to be a lawyer someday—but hasn’t
quite figured out that this involves getting great grades.
Lily is the perfect student… a little too perfect. She has never had less
than an “A”… on anything, she is completely obsessed with school-work,
studies for the SAT every night, and has already picked out her college
and grad school.
Liz doesn’t just ride the cutting edge—she IS the cutting edge. Her bad
attitude is merely cover for a sharp mind and a love of theater.
Recently displaced from her home-country by people who don’t think girls
should be educated, Mara has a deep disdain for students who don’t
appreciate their free education.
Miguel is an ESOL student who is a quick study. He not only learned
English as a second language, he picked up some French and Russian as
Molly is a very accomplished student with a slightly skewed perspective on
life. She devours books of all kinds, including her mom’s romance novels
and other tomes of questionable content. She is a free-range reader.
A Science geek, as well as a Sci-Fi geek, Morton is even more up on what’s
happening in the Star Wars and Star Trek universes than Mr. Fitz.
Rashad is not a bad kid, and his parents want to keep it that way. Thus,
a constant flow of contact with his teachers via phone, email, cell phone,
fax, pager, and possibly smoke signals if necessary.
Spike is a “reluctant reader” who secretly likes reading but tries to
hide it—because reading isn’t cool. Or learning. Or school and general.
Yet he learns anyway.
True to his name, Ted is never on time—and has an endless array of reasons
to justify being late.
Tessy tries to express her individualism by copying all the fashions in
the trendiest teen magazines (periodicals with titles like "Trendy Teen").
Tessy would like to be a model someday, and practices every day in class.